This is a very small part of the novel I'm writing. It's 1872, I think.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm writing"
He laughs:
"You can write?"
I curl my arm protectively around the notebook. It's a very beautiful thing. I took it from the chest made of dark wood in the hallway. The chest was locked, but I'm pretty good at unlocking things.
He leaves the room, he doesn't want any kind of answer.
When I first met Duke he said:
"Show me your hands"
I hold them out in front of me like dead things. He sucks air through his teeth. A slight tremor passes through my right hand.
"Nice" he says, still looking, and I look at them too for quite some time.
When he wants to open something, a lock without a key, he bends down with his mouth very close to it. He whispers there, very soft and low, like it's a girl he's trying to fuck. When he's said enough he slides the blade out slowly from behind his ear.
We take a breath, we hold it.
He slips it then in the keyhole, eyes closed whispering still. It is a very small movement, fleet and modest, searching for -
Oh
and something gives.
My belly jumps, a quick, silver fish in a stream and we smile, exhale
Ah
only silent.
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you lost me at "Duke". seriously.
ReplyDeleteand thanks for the photoshop dig, my photographer friend took that and deleted the background but the welder's helmet she gave me was real. not me so. i guess i should shed it.
Hmm. I like thieves. I like 'em a lot. My kind of peeps. Please, tell us more!
ReplyDelete(Love the lockpick/fucking simile!!!!! I wish I had come up with that for my story... Alas... Though for me it was always less the slick romance you allow Duke and more the fumbling, grunting, awkward rutting and release of a first time... ^_^)
ReplyDeletewait u r writing a novel?! HEAVEN. love u,
ReplyDeletegabe
plex us? i lost u cos it's a shit name - or what?
ReplyDeleteshit - i hate names. that one has some history, maybe it doesn't function right without knowing it?
or maybe it wasn't the name just the ... gah. yr so fine
foxette - it's a kinda tired old simile tho, no? I fucked you/I stole yr ipod. i thought this excerpt hung nice in the air on it's own, i'm not so sure now. it's a part where my character tries on a lot of different hats & kind of registers them as physical reactions, or something. i don't know. i can't read it, to me it pretty much sucks x
give us more and we'll tell u if it sucks to us, too. ^_^
ReplyDeletechange,
ReplyDeleteno i love the piece just don't like the name Duke, but its ok, that's just me.
HAHA eazy cheese is this american thing...liquid cheese you squirt out of a can. it has the consistancy of smooth creamy something. its fucking delicious. and yes cheese IS DIFFICULT! THWARTED BY CHEESE ONCE AGAIN! love u.
I used the name because I was reading a book about criminal kid gangs in 19th century London - they used these aristocratic, ironic nicknames - u know like the Duchess of York - or something. plus the character is based a little on this guy i knew - his name was Early - but i don't know if that meant the opposite of late, or like an earl?
ReplyDeletei can't really imagine a universe where liquid cheese in a can is a good thing. i do kinda like it's cream cousin & also the gas that's left when the cream is squirted ... it's my birthday today
"... it's my birthday today"
ReplyDeleteSeriously? Happy BD in that case! Huggsies?
You can put a candle in my mouth (or, you know, hey, it's your bd) and after you let it dribble a bit you can blow it out and make a wish. :)
in yr lil foxy ear. if you had fox ears for real, that would be sooo fuckin cooool.
ReplyDeleteme - i wanted a lemur tail graft for my b'day present. i dint get one - so, like - that's my wish.
shit - now i've jinxed it
Nah, secrets told on the internet don't count.
ReplyDeleteAnd, here is
me waiting for you.
(Blogger doesn't let me insert the image directly)
Or if you like to play more with fire: http://thebestcaribbeansite.com/smf/index.php?topic=7375.msg97193#msg97193 (I'm assuming nobody here is "faint of heart". Delete it otherwise.)
Lemur tail is cool... though think what paw leather pads on your palms and fingers would feel like? Nobody ever seems to fantasize about them, but can you imagine what it would fel like to be touched by someone who has those?
God, I just re-pictured what you had written... candles into the ear... into delicate, sensitive, furry canine ears at that... the pain... and then letting them dribble... struck deaf... I get panicky just trying to imagine it... hmm... sweet.
ReplyDeleteI think it works great on it's own. The only think I wasn't sure about was how it says When he's said enough, but then mentions whispering still, and I wasn't sure if he was still whispering or not. But that's probably just me. Really sharp, clear prose.
ReplyDeletethanks - yeah - i see what you mean - it's kind of clumsy. i think I meant he's said enough to open it - rather than said enough to - uh - stop. I think this blog format engenders some kind of sloppiness that makes the whole novel writing thing so daunting.
ReplyDelete