bathe

and then every time i tried to lift up my head he'd shove it down again, fingers twisted in my hair nails scrape against my scalp. the floor wet beneath my cheek. tasting my own blood in my own mouth and a ragged edge of my lip against my tongue

is this a game?

through the tiles i can hear the sea lapping against the sides of the boat i am rocked by the sea rocked

spits something into the sink, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand but keeps his hand there covering his mouth, smiles behind it affectionately i think

cigarette?
towel i say shivering and he throws it to me from the rail. i wipe my stomach and dab hesitantly at my mouth he laughs at me "you're pretty messed up you know?" lights a cigarette - tiny fizz as the match hits the water in the bowl of the toilet. bloody hand prints on the floor

curled up on the deck, sun on the back of my neck rope burns on my ankles on my wrists. when they give you rum it's never really rum burns all the way down to your belly all the way down to your feet

once i got fucked with my held under water I lie in a conversational manner. yeah? he says, kind of interested, we could do that? he squints at me, frowns maybe

put your clothes on, your feet are turning blue

last wednesday i thought he was dead lying in my bed my face in the back of this new boy who was asleep. i like him enough but he sleeps so much. i listen to the radio too quiet to hear the actual words and smoke cigarettes and he sleeps
smells like vanilla and something else much less reassuring but then suddenly i thought that K was dead - i don't believe in that stuff so he probably isn't. When we watch a movie jack strokes the back of my head which rests against his legs he buys me books and cooks stuff. I give him drugs and gag him with a plastic bag

maybe i should get a haircut?